the lowdown

• Start at Harvest in Muizenberg (home to where the cookies are baked), head towards Clovelly through the golf course, up Ou Wa Pad into Silvermine, & then down Tokai forest.

• ⁠1st Mandatory Stop (37km): Black Box Coffee at Constantia Nek. Since they no longer stock us, do us a solid and ask for bitchy bites biscuits before getting back on your bike. We’re trying to get our favourite stockists back (and every sweaty cyclist’s nag helps). Also, it couldn’t be a #bitchybites challenge without a little bit of sass.

• From there, head through Constantia and Newlands - this section is really rough (a serious 4-letter-synonym-for-cookie-but-swear-word-type-of-section). Gravel riders please take care here.

• ⁠Blockhouse can be rather quiet - please try ride in pairs and use this section during peak-times.

• ⁠Optional stop at (92km): The Roost at the Noordhoek farm village. Eat a bitchy bite & once again, get back on your bike & peddle b*#$h.

• Finish (100km): Salt in Kalk Bay. Eat a bitchy bite (optional) & drink a beer (mandatory).

Fastest bugger & babe WINS a full jar of bitchy bites & bad-ass-bragging rights. Every finisher gets a ‘tour de bitchy’ finisher sticker & a freshly baked box of biscuits.